When You Hate Your Body So Much It Hurts

by Jenny Bilksie-Smith | Nov 23, 2022

Four Steps to Relieve the Pain of Hating Your Body

In this article, you’ll discover:

A step-by-step guide to relieving pain when you hate your body
Why your past efforts to soothe your body loathing have failed
A way to relate with your body even if you don’t like how your body looks

Do you:

Look in the mirror and silently call out the dimples you despise
Keep yourself from overeating by wearing tight clothes
Keep smaller clothes in your closet to motivate action toward weight loss.

I get it. You want your body to change badly. It’s agonizing when you hate your body. These bouts of body loathing might seem to hijack you, coming out of nowhere and taking you on a severe shame spiral.

Here’s the problem. When you observe your body from the outside, you forget to tap into how it feels on the inside.

Tuning into the internal experiences of joy, pleasure, discomfort, or tension are the things that can lead you to the healing, peace, and well-being you desire. The peace you thought was only available by changing your body is available now.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell you to love your body as it is. You don’t have to, and if you don’t right now, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Instead, I’ll share ways you can have a relationship with your body, even if you don’t like how your body looks. That way, you can use the signals from your body to guide you to peace.

I’ll illustrate this practice first with a story, then offer a step-by-step guide so you can try this technique.

You’re Not Alone In Hating Your Body. Sarah was experiencing a terrible bout of hating her body.

She sat snuggled on her comfy bed with lots of pillows propping her up and warm tea on the bedside table. She looked out the window, and the sun shined bright in the blue sky, and she was listening to one of her favorite songs. It was the perfect moment.

Except she wasn’t aware of any of it.

A feeling of disgust had sunk to the bottom of her belly, and her shoulders fell around her heart. Utter body loathing hijacked her. It came out of nowhere.

Let’s pause on Sarah’s story while I introduce this technique for relieving the pain of hating your body.

When You Hate Your Body, It's Hard to Feel Joy

Four Steps to Relieve the Pain When You Hate Your Body

Notice that thoughts of hating your body have hijacked you
Think of a moment of joy
It can be simple, like feeling the sun on your skin or a beautiful connection with another human
Notice where you feel that joy in your body? The space around your heart? In your shoulders or belly?

Why This Practice Works When You Feel Like You Hate Your Body

Recreating that experience cultivates the biology of a mental state of joy. This elevated emotional energy equips you to cope with the difficulty and get through the challenging moment.

Back to Sarah

Sarah asked herself, “What do I hear?” By accessing her senses, she brought herself from her thoughts of body loathing to the sensations in her body.

Sarah heard the beautiful music, and it went straight to her heart. The space in her chest warmed with joy.

She noticed what she felt on her skin, accessing tactile senses. The cozy blanket wrapped securely around her body. Her sweet dog nestled close to her leg.

Finally, Sarah noticed what she was seeing. The sun shined outside her window, and the breeze moved the tall trees in her neighborhood.

AND Sarah realized that HER BODY is the source that allows her to experience these profound sensations. Her body is the reason she has sensory pleasure, and it’s the vessel that enables her to be here on this earth.

Suddenly, she didn’t care what shape her body was. Instead, she was overwhelmed with gratitude for it!

Your Body is What Enables You to Have that Joyful Experience.

Your body is the vessel through which you experience the world. Recreating those experiences cultivate the biology of joy. This elevated mental state equips you to cope with the difficulty and get through the challenging moment.