When Overthinking Won’t Stop (and Your Usual Tools Aren’t Helping)
What to do when your mind is overthinking, spiraling, and nothing works?
When overthinking ramps up at night, it can feel like your mind is holding you hostage. You know your tools. You’ve used them. Breath work. Journaling. Stretching. Self-compassion. You’ve paced around the house. You’ve changed positions a hundred times. And still—you can’t get out of the loop.
(By the way, if you haven’t tried all of the grounding tools yet, I have another blog on taking anxiety from a ten to a two fast. But let’s imagine you have tried everything, and the overthinking still drags you back in again and again.)
I’ve been there too. You finally begin drifting toward sleep… and then a new thought hits with a jolt. You worry about how exhausted you’ll be tomorrow. You wonder why you can’t “get it together.” The harder you try to calm down, the more activated you become. Soon it feels like a losing battle with your own brain.
Here’s the good news:
When nothing works, you’re not failing. You’ve simply reached the doorway to a different approach—one that begins with a counterintuitive shift that actually loosens the grip.
Step 1: The Counterintuitive Trick That Softens Overthinking
Here’s the paradox:
The more you try to push overthinking away, the louder it becomes.
Fighting it, fixing it, resisting it… all of that adds a second layer of suffering on top of the anxiety itself.
Instead, we shift into acceptance:
This is where I am right now.
Not forever. Not because you’re failing. But because this moment is what’s happening. And fighting the moment only tightens the storm. So instead of wrestling the wave, you ride it.
To be clear—“letting go” doesn’t mean letting go of the anxiety. It means letting go of the struggle to make it disappear. Think of a kid having a tantrum. Sometimes the only sane response is to shrug and think, “Okay… this is happening.”
Counterintuitive Trick
Every emotional wave eventually passes. The intensity passes.
You can observe this yourself: notice when the surge peaks, then notice when it softens. For me, these spirals usually last less than 24 hours. They feel overwhelming, but they always fade.
Once you stop trying to “fix the wave,” the next step becomes possible—and it’s surprisingly empowering.
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Step 2: The Surprising Ways Anxiety and Overthinking Might Actually Help You
What if this anxiety is actually… useful?
Not comfortable—but a hidden resource.
Research That Surprises Almost Everyone
Studies show:
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Soldiers with the highest cortisol during interrogation gave away the least information.
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After car accidents, people with the most cortisol were least likely to develop PTSD.
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In workplaces, employees with higher anxiety were less likely to burn out.
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People told “stress is helpful” performed better—not because stress reduced, but because they stopped fighting it.
Stress itself isn’t always the enemy. Our relationship to it is.
Beyond Fight-or-Flight: The Challenge Response
Most people know the threat response—tightened blood vessels, inflammation, fear, self-doubt.
But there’s another, very different stress response: the challenge response.
Think of trying something new but exciting—roller skating, dancing, presenting something you care about. You’re nervous and energized.
That’s the challenge response.
Threat Response
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Blood vessels constrict
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Body prepares for injury
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Brain concludes: “I can’t handle this”
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Emotions: fear, shame, self-doubt
Challenge Response
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Blood vessels dilate
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More oxygen flows to your brain and body
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Brain concludes: “I can handle this”
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Emotions: motivation, determination, focus
How to Shift Into a Challenge Response (3)
You don’t have to eliminate anxiety—you just reinterpret it.
Challenge Response
Tell yourself:
“My body is giving me energy because this matters.”
“This isn’t danger—this is activation I can use.”
Kelly McGonigal summarizes it beautifully:
“Welcoming stress can transform it into something helpful: more energy, more confidence, more willingness to take action.”
Stress becomes a resource.
Focus on what supports you—loved ones, faith practices, memories of others who’ve done this before, proof that you’ve handled difficult things.
You’re not broken.
Your body is trying to help.
Step 3: The Hidden Skill You Build Every Time You Survive Overthinking
After the wave passes, there’s an essential moment:
Do you shame yourself… or recognize what you just survived?
This is where self-efficacy comes in—the belief that you can cope next time. It’s one of the strongest predictors of healing from trauma, anxiety, and stress.
What the Research Shows
Benight & Bandura found that:
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People with higher self-efficacy had fewer PTSD symptoms.
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Women who believed they could leave abusive partners were far more likely to do so.
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Self-defense training increased not just physical skills but emotional empowerment.
It’s not just the crisis. It’s whether you believe you can handle it.
Ways to Strengthen Your Self-Efficacy
After the wave softens:
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Reach out for perspective. Talk to someone who’s been through it.
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Gather resources—practical strategies for the challenge you’re facing.
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Revisit your values—why this matters to you.
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Flip the script—What would you tell a friend in this situation?
Small evidence becomes big confidence over time.
Conclusion: Surf the Wave Instead of Fighting It
The next time the mental wave rises, picture yourself as a capable surfer. You see the wave coming. You don’t brace—
you let it lift you.
You remind yourself:
This wave will pass.
This energy is usable.
This is not the enemy.
I’ve survived this before. I’ll survive this again.
Every wave becomes a rehearsal for resilience.
Every wave strengthens your trust in your own capacity.
Every wave gives you evidence:
You can do this.
You’re learning. You’re growing. You’re becoming steadier.
If this guide helped, I’d love to keep supporting you. My newsletter offers:
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